(How to) Do Good Well with kindness, compassion, and connection (a mini-post)
“Be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people.” (Karen Salmansohn)
I’m so glad you’re here
Thanks to everyone who read (Finding &) Focusing on What Matters Most in February. My aim was to post monthly, but as soon as my Spring classes began they became all-consuming. Apologies, I’m teaching four courses through the last week of June and while I *hope* to post monthly, there are only 24 hours in a day and I’m doing my best to keep up, so sorry.
In addition to being a bit in-over-my-head with my responsibilities on campus, the time from March 10th through April 11th is always a bit tender for me as it marks the few weeks my brother & I spent walking our Dad home in 2017. We learned he had Stage 4 cancer the week of March 10th, he began Hospice care at home on March 25th, friends & neighbors gathered for a “porch party” on April 2nd, we held his hand as he passed on April 9th, and we interred him above our grandparents on April 11th. Last Sunday marked six years since the day he passed. Rather than spending time writing here on Substack, I reached out to share gratitude with some of the folks who showed up for us during that difficult time — and I made a few posts on Facebook, in his memory. It’s bittersweet — losing my Dad was (and is) really hard because he was an outstanding parent & person, I’m incredibly fortunate. My Dad embodied the quote at the top of this post, “Be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people.” I’m doing my best to live up to the legacy of lovingkindness he exemplified.
Today’s post will be much shorter than the prior two as I’m reaching out to simply share about two podcasts I recently heard and and an article I recently read, as I found them to be important reminders about focusing on what matters most.
A few recent shares by my favorite Thought Leaders on Kindness, Compassion, and Connection
As you know, I love learning about and reflecting on what matters most (and I imagine you do too).
If I had to choose my single-most-favorite Podcast, it’d be OnBeing with Krista Tippett, and if I had to choose my single-most-favorite Public Intellectual/Thought Leader– it’d be hard as I’d like to name two dozen folks– I would likely narrow it down to a three-way tie between Brené Brown, Adam Grant, and Dacher Keltner.
In the past few weeks they’ve dropped some of the most important & impactful pieces I’ve heard & read, so I’d like to share:
1. Vivek Murthy on OnBeing
On Thursday I heard US Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, on On Being
Among other wisdom, he shares:
"… Wholeness isn’t something we acquire by stacking achievements or checking boxes or acquiring products or consumer goods. And I worry about this because I have two small children myself. They are five and six, and I’m thinking often about the world that they’re growing up in and what is that world telling them about who they should be and what success is. And what I worry about is that right now the world tells our kids and all of us that to be successful, you need one of three things: to be powerful, to be famous, or to be rich. But we all know people who have all three of those — who are wealthy, powerful, and famous — and profoundly unhappy, who don’t feel whole. And so I worry that many of our kids are being led down a path that will not make them whole or fulfilled.
I think to truly feel whole — it’s not about acquiring something that we don’t have. It’s about remembering who we fundamentally are. When we come into this world — as I see with my own kids, and many of you may have seen with other young people in your lives — we are content. My kids don’t care whether we have a big house or a small house. They don’t care about how fancy the clothes are that they wear or not. They care about finding moments of joy. They care about their relationships they have with the people around them. They observe things whether it’s a fleck on the wall that wasn’t there before, or whether it’s the play of lights as they come through the window in the setting sun. And they find joy in that, in those day-to-day, seemingly ordinary moments.
And so I do think part of what has challenged us right now in this moment is that there are a lot of forces around us that have made us feel that we are not whole, that we are not enough. That tell us, well, we’re not good-looking enough, we’re not smart enough, we’re not popular enough, we’re not wise enough. But part of what we have to do is to ask ourselves: are those messages speaking the truth about who we are or is that a narrative that’s different? And often I find that that narrative is driven usually by an organization, a product, a company that makes products, or something where they’re trying to sell you a service or a product to make you feel more whole. But I think part of healing, to me, is about recognizing what we already have inside of us, coming to trust that, coming to rely on that, and ultimately coming to find fulfillment in who we are.”
There is so much goodness in this episode– about the importance of compassion, connection, and community– and it’s coming from the highest ranking physician in the US– if only we could find a way to align policies, institutions, and systems with the values, virtues, and vision he shares…
2. Adam Grant in Granted, his newsletter here on Substack
Earlier this week Dr. Adam Grant, Professor of Management at Wharton, posted on Substack, The Most Meaningful Way to Succeed Is to Help Others Succeed, sharing five insights he’s had since writing his New York Times best selling book, Give & Take, 10 years ago (to be clear: the five points below are pasted from his post— they’re mostly his words, not mine):
Raising generous kids and teach them that kindness prepares them for success.
The double bind of generosity for women: women are more likely to be asked for help—but less likely to get credit for it.
Cross-cultural differences in helping: the most generous country on earth depends on the kind of generosity you have in mind (he shares a map of how types of generosity vary by country from research in HBR behind the book The Culture Map by Erin Meyer)
The give and take of personal relationships: in toxic relationships, one person is always taking and the other is constantly giving; in healthy relationships, both people give and receive– they grant each other the freedom to ask without shame, accept without obligation, and decline without guilt.
Building cultures of givers at work with 3 key steps:
1. Hire differently: it’s more important to screen out takers than hire givers;
2. Redesign reward systems: performance evaluations and promotions should account for contributions to others, not just individual results;
3. Change norms: for givers to come out of the woodwork, we have to normalize seeking help, not only giving it.
3. Chris Germer on Unlocking Us
And lastly, I listened to one of Brené Brown’s final episodes of her Unlocking Us podcast from late 2022, where she interviewed Dr. Chris Germer on Fierce Compassion.
Their discussion is best summarized in Brene’s post on Instagram, here:
In short: Kindness, Common Humanity, and Mindfulness fuel compassion and connection.
Questions I’m asking myself:
What would it look like if we lived in a world that encouraged “wholeness” (as Dr. Murthy mentioned) rather than the pursuit of wealth, power, and fame?
How do we create a cultures & societies (with practices, policies, institutions, and systems) where focusing our time, energy, and attention on things that matter most in our lives is encouraged & celebrated?
How might things be different if many more entrepreneurs, social entrepreneurs, leaders, changemakers *and* consumers & citizens were aware of, as Adam Grant shares, “helping others is the most meaningful way to succeed” — and they chose to leverage the power of business as a force for good?
What itsy bitsy steps can I take in my own life, today, to focus more on kindness, compassion, connection, and joy… and how might I shine a light in hopes of making it easier for others to do so as well?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on these queries— and also what questions these recent podcasts & posts spark for you.
Resources for more info:
Dr. Vivek Murthy on an episode of OnBeing with Krista Tippett
Dr. Adam Grant on Granted, his newsletter here on Substack
Dr. Chris Germer on Unlocking Us with Dr. Brené Brown and his article on “The Near and Far Enemies of Fierce Compassion” that was the catalyst for their discussion. He also co-authored The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook with Dr. Kristin Neff, who is among my favorite thought leaders— her work is focused on fierce self-compassion. I love this interview of her on Hidden Brain sharing actionable science-based advice around being kind to yourself.
I can’t help but mention another fabulous resource related to cultivating more kindness, compassion, and connection in our lives... which Dr. Dacher Keltner refers to in the chapters on Moral Beauty (”how others’ kindness, courage, and overcoming inspire awe”) and Collective Effervescence (”how moving in unison stirs the awe of ritual, sport, dance, religion, and public life”) in his newest book, Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life. He offers 8 “wonders” and ways to practice them. They all get us out of our overthinking minds and help trigger the parasympathetic nervous system. As mentioned in Post #2, I loved his interview on OnBeing with Krista Tippett, talking about Awe. He is also interviewed talking about the power of awe on Hidden Brain, and also on To the Best of Our Knowledge which is just as awesome ;)
Thank you for reading along. Feel free to reach out if you have questions, comments, and/or concerns; I’m happy to do my best to be of help. And if this wasn’t your cup of tea, I hope you’ll offer me the grace of sticking around for a few more posts before you decide whether or not to remain subscribed. I’d love to hear what resonated with you (so I can do more of that in future posts), or you can simply tap the heart below with your quick vote of encouragement, as a nudge for me to keep the posts coming.
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With gratitude & excitement,
:)
Kristin
p.s. #1: If you’d like to learn more about what I mean by “creating strategic impact,” give me a shout and I’ll gladly share with you a quick Guide to Planning Your Impact Strategy that I’m cooking up.
p.s. #2: As mentioned, each post ends with a pair of gifs (sometimes they take a few moments to load, thanks for your patience), one that shows me falling, followed by a gif of me flying. Learning to fly on my mat (first by falling countless times) has helped me navigate falling, failing, and challenging situations off of my mat— practicing courage, kindness, gratitude, hope, grace, and joy with myself and others.
In this month’s share, I’m attempting Bound Half Moon. Half Moon (Ardha Chandrasana) was the *first* yoga pose I learned where I felt like I was flying. I so vividly remember more than 20 years ago, as a grad student, taking class at Gainesville’s first yoga studio, Silver Lotus Yoga, on the second floor of the historic Vidal Building, downtown. The teacher would send us to the wall to practice half moon and for the first time ever I felt like I was flying. Later I learned the chapasana/sugarcane/candycane version (with a bent top leg), and much later, around 2018, I was encouraged by Betsy from Searchlight, to attempt this fully bound version. I know, it doesn’t look like much— it looks easy — but it’d deceptively difficult. I find so many lessons in this practice— trying to take them off my mat and into the world.
p.s. #3: Shout out to my dear longtime friend, editor extraordinaire, and beloved grammar queen, Amy Haines. Though Amy has edited *almost* everything of importance I’ve ever written, currently she is on an adventure for nearly a month, traveling in Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam— so she was not available to edit this post. I take full responsibility for the messiness that’s here (and apologies to Amy who will likely cringe when reading my sharing TMI, as well as my horrible over-usage of parentheses, dashes, ampersands, and ellipses… and many other mistakes 🙈).
